Monday, April 24, 2006

The Dangers of Thinking

This is from an e-mail I received from my sister. I thought it was hilarious! I went from a registered Democrat to a registered Republican.

The Dangers Of Thinking

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then -- just to loosen up.

Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.

I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself --but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.

That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself.

I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"

One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."

This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confess, "I've been thinking..."
"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"
"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."
"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently. She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors... They didn't open.
The library was closed.

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a Poster caught my eye, "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked.

You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous poster.

Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.

I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was, "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed . . . easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.

I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.

Today I made the final step . . . I registered to vote as a Democrat!

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Mom's birthday is today

Today is my mom's birthday. This is the first birthday she has celebrated since Dad passed away. She doesn't really celebrate her birthday any more.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

What Are They Afraid Of?

I was on ICR's Web site today and saw this article. The last paragraph voices my thoughts exactly. I have thought that since all this furor over evolution only in the schools started. It basically says that evolutionists don't want anything else taught because they are afraid that evolution won't stand up under scrutiny and they don't like the implications of there being a creator. A creator would mean a higher authority and that means they would have to be accountable to Some One higher. It would seem they are happy with no accountability.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Subject: Ode to Email

I received this in an e-mail from a friend. This is just a few of the bogus rumors e-mails that are going around. Any time I get one of these rumor e-mails I go to to check it out.

**Thank You**

** My heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months. **

**Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.**

**Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope. **

**Also, I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.**

**Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. **

**I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper, since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.**

**I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.**

**I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. **

**I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants, even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. **

**I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a cologne sample and rob me. **

**I no longer receive packages from, nor send packages by, UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. **

**I no longer answer the phone, because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan. **

**I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. **

**I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike. **

**I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.**

**I no longer worry about my soul because at last count I have 363,214 angels looking out for me. **

**Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. **

**I no longer have any money because I gave them to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 258th time) but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special email program. **

**Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favor! **

**If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p. m. (CDT) this afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.**